Ten thoughts that go through my mind while in Primark

A bit of a lighthearted post today. I bloody love Primark. Not always amazing for us plus size babes, but I still adore it, so here are ten thoughts that go through my mind while in Primark!

1. Am I in Primark again, really? My office is a five minute walk from the Leeds Trinity Store, so I am in there alot just browsing and 9 times out of 10 I buy something!

2. OooOOoo New Lines, New Lines! There is always something new to look at, I walk around thinking about what I would wear things with and how much everything would look amazing in my wardrobe!

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Mini rant!

This post is going to be slightly different in that im going to have a mini rant about something I have experienced lately.

I am plus size and usually choose a size 20 which has always been fine! Now I realllly struggle to find clothes that fit me!

I went to a wedding yesterday evening and I wanted something really special to wear. I ordered about 10 dresses from various retailers and lines and I was so shocked by the differences in size OF THE SAME SIZE DRESSES!

First I tried two Chi Chi London Curve dresses, both of which were a size 20. One just fit me, to the point that it was acceptable and no areas were too baggy. The second one swamped me. It was wayyy too long and extremely baggy around the bust and neck! I was like eh? The thing is, they weren’t too dissimilar in style at all!

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Dear husband …

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary, I can’t quite believe i’m here writing this post, i’m just smiling from ear to ear!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank my husband for everything!

 

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You hold our little family together so well, without you life would be boring! Thank you for always putting our needs first, for always being there when we need you but most of all for just being YOU!

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Anxiety and Me!

 

**Guys, before you read this you should know this post focuses on Mental health which may be distressing/a trigger for some to read. I don’t want to upset any of you so if you think this post might affect you in some way please don’t read on. If you can relate to what I am saying and feel like you need someone to talk to, reach out to someone close to you or contact an agency such as The Samaritans who are there to give support and advice**

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time, in fact this is possibly about the eighth time I have written it! so here it is – Anxiety and Me!

For as long as I can remember I have suffered with anxiety. My earliest memories are from secondary school, I was a performer, I loved to sing in shows and productions. Music was all I wanted to do with my life at this young age, but it wasn’t where my anxiety showed. It manifested itself in other things such as walking down the corridor alone or sitting and eating my lunch. I would get hot and sweaty if I had no one to walk with or just thinking about the possibility that someone I was friends with wasn’t in my next class with me. This often resulted in me sitting in a toilet cubicle to try and calm down. I tried to tell people – but I was just dismissed I was a performer right? there was no way that I could suffer from this sort of feeling and be confident enough to perform in front of hundreds of people. I couldn’t control my feelings of anxiety and I started to self harm at a young age as a way to cope.

Throughout my late teens and my time at University, I didn’t really make many life long friends, I flitted from group to group trying to fit in. I used to pretend to be someone I wasn’t just to try to get rid of everything I was feeling. I’d lie about things just to make myself seem better and stop the anxious voice in my head that said “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH” It was a shit thing to do because I ended up being a horrible person to some people, I have so many regrets, things I did that I cannot change now but I think acknowledging my mistakes and facing them has helped me tremendously.

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Take me back to Thailand!

It’s been almost two years since my husband and I went to Thailand for our friends wedding! I loved it so much, I want to go back!

I thought I’d share with you a little snippet of our holiday and some of the reasons I want to go back so much!

We went for 2 weeks at the start of December 2014. As soon as we got out of the airport at Phuket, the warmth hit you. We stayed at the Airport hotel for one night and accidentally slept in which meant we missed our coach to the port for the ferry to Koh Samui! We had to get a taxi to the ferry port instead which took us an hour and cost us about 5000THB!

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Koh Samui!

We stayed here for 4 nights of our trip in a small resort in Mae Nam on the beach, close enough to Chewang so there was plenty of chance to go exploring! The night life here was vibrant plenty of things to do and see. We explored the area most evenings, finding somewhere different each time to sit down and have a drink and something to eat. On our final evening we found an Ice Bar, which was a welcome treat from the heat!

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We could see Koh Phangan from the beach at our hotel, knowing we were going there next, the weather did not look too great!!

Koh Phangan!

We wanted to go to Koh Phangan because its the home of the Full Moon Party! We booked a room at the opposite side of the island to Haad Rin at Ao Thong Nai Pan Yai beach for a few days relaxing before we hit the Full Moon Party.

Although it was really cloudy here, it was still so warm. We spent all our time relaxing and reading on the beach.

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My most played tracks!

Today’s post might just give you a little insight into my personality! Like most people I LOVE music, So I thought I would share with you ten of the most played tracks currently on my deezer account!

I love music and I know what I like. I don’t really tend to listen to much chart music so I never know what songs are on the radio. This doesn’t mean I’m a snob when it comes to music, by all means if I like the sound of something, I will listen to it regardless of who it is by! But I mostly just tend to listen to my favorite tracks playlist but I am a serial skipper! So here goes (in no particular order):

The Plus Size of Life - Emma Ellis - Top Played tracks

  1. Please, Please, Please let me get what I want – The Smiths
  2. The Mother we share – Chvrches
  3. First time caller – White Lies
  4. What took you so long – Courteeners
  5. Hairdresser on Fire – Morrissey
  6. If I could change your mind – Haim
  7. Chasing Rainbows – Shed Seven
  8. Fall Harder – Skylar Spence
  9. Pounding – Doves
  10. This is the one – The Stone Roses

I was quite surprised at the list and the lack of solo artists (bar my beloved Morrissey). I love all these songs equally! I can’t get enough of Skylar Spence at the moment, I only know who they are because one of their songs was on Made in Chelsea and I used Shazam! The Smiths/Morrissey didn’t surprise me, I adoreeee him and them, I walked down the aisle to Please, Please, Please let me get what I want so I’m glad that made the top most played!

Hope you enjoyed this little insight into my music taste! Let me know the songs you’re loving at the moment and how different your top played list would be from mine!!

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Take me back to – Seahouses!

I’ve been thinking about doing more lifestyle posts and sharing with you some of the things I do with my family when we’re not at work or at the weekends. This got me thinking, what if I was to share with you some of our memories, times that we loved and places we visited that I would love to go back to again.

This time I’m sharing a holiday from September 2012. It was a big family holiday and we went to Seahouses in Northumberland. I’d never been to this coast before and I was not sure what to expect but I had an amazing time, it’s such a beautiful place!

Seahouses is a small but beautiful little harbour town with plenty of things to do and see. We did so many things in our short time here, including taking a boat ride to see the seals around the various islands. The beaches in Northumberland are stunning and we spent so much time here, amongst the mass of sand dunes, lovely white sand and breathtaking views.  One day we even walked along the shore to Bamburgh castle.

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We stayed in a beautiful cottage, in the centre of the town. It was close to all amenities including a lovely old pub, the shops and the amusements. The cottage was big and even had a secret staircase, that the kids enjoyed very much! Come to think of it, I think the adults did too!

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Maisie had such a good time and she was just learning to walk, so I will always remember it as the perfect family holiday where my daughter basically took her first steps! She also loved the sea. One of the days that we were down on the beach, she stayed at the waters edge almost all day and did not want to get out when it was time to go back!

Have you ever been to Seahouses? Where would you like to go back to?

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I’m back!

I’m back!

Things have been incredibly weird for me since I last posted here. I have been struggling with my own issues about myself recently so I have really found it hard to sit down and write on my blog this last few months. To tell the truth I have really been struggling to feel confident in myself and how I look enough to be taking photos of my outfits and posting them here. How am I supposed to fake that?

I started this to show people that they should love themselves,to inspire others, to help them love their bodies and their being. If I pretended I was ok, then it would just be against everything I wanted this blog to be.

So I have taken some time away from it all and now, I’m in a better place. I’ve been looking after myself and getting my head back to where I want it to be! I hope I can start inspiring some of you again!

I have scheduled lots of posts throughout April so make sure you are following me on all my social media accounts!

For now, here’s a few pictures of me looking and feeling amazing in an AX Paris Curve Dress. This is who I want to be again, confident and comfortable with who I am.

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Do you sometimes lose confidence? How do you get it back, I need all your tips!

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I’ve been doing this for a year!

So as the title suggests, I have been doing this for a year! I thought I would share some thoughts with you about my journey so far!

When I started this blog, I was in the first stages of my journey to loving myself. I had seen other women empowering others to love their bodies online, it was amazing to see and all new to me but I wanted to be a part of it. Although I’ve had some irregular posting patterns for various reasons, I can say that this blog has 100% helped me to accept who I am and the body I have. Before I started this blog, I would never have posted a full length photo of myself online and expected to get positive comments.
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I wasn’t always fat. I grew up a bit chubby, but lost a lot of weight when I went to university, I wasn’t happy or healthy back then. I lived off rubbish food and went out pretty much every night drinking, being reckless and finding myself in some pretty dangerous situations. Compared to now where I actually eat three healthy meals a day and exercise, where I’m happy with myself and who I am. The sad thing is really that back then no one would have judged me on my appearance. If I was sat at a cafe eating cake with my thin best friend back then no one would have batted an eyelid. This has been one of the hardest things to get used to for me, knowing how damaging I was to my physical and mental health back then, but people have the right to look at me now and judge me on my weight?

My body is incredible and it never holds me back. I’ve been to Thailand, no one laughed at me in my swim wear. I snorkeled for the first time in beautiful, clear water and saw some amazing things. I’ve been to theme parks with my daughter and overcome my fear of fitting in the seats of the rides and being embarrassed. The best thing for me though is that I no longer walk down the street and wonder if people are judging me on how I look, I walk down the street with my head held high!

I still find it hard to find clothes in the style I want to wear, but the change is happening! So many new plus size lines have been released in the last year, brands are actually recognising that plus size women don’t want to wear frumpy, unflattering plain clothes. They want fashion and they want it now!

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This coming year, I hope that I can overcome some of my anxieties about getting involved with other bloggers and chats on Twitter. I hope I can even pluck up the courage to go to some events and meet the awesome women behind the blogs I read every day!

Its been a great year, and even though this blog is just a tiny drop in a huge ocean, I hope I have inspired some of you to love the skin you’re in!

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Getting my blogging MOJO back!

Hello, you may have noticed or not, that it has been a while since I wrote anything for my blog.

The truth is I haven’t really felt like it for a while! I have been extremely busy getting used to my new job and trying to fit into the team. When I get home on an evening, all I want to do is relax and on my weekends I have been enjoying spending time with my family! Working in any job relating to Education in the run up to and throughout September is difficult, so I think that has been the reason I’ve not even wanted to look at my blog!

I’m hoping that slowly this month I will get back into it and hopefully be able to blog a lot more, I just need to get on top of my planning!

I struggle with twitter! Suffering from anxiety means that I sometimes find it really hard to interact with others. I often want to get involved with the chats that other bloggers are having and make friends, but my anxiety means that I worry intensely about what other people may think of me. This often comes across as rudeness or arrogance, but it’s not that, i’m just too shy to involve myself sometimes.

When I started this blog, I wanted to push myself to put myself out there, I am incredibly proud of how far I have come personally from doing this. I’ve accepted who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin. Now I just need to try and overcome a few more of my anxieties and involve myself a little more. I hope that next year I will be able to pluck up the courage to attend events that I see all the other bloggers attending and finally meet some of the fantastic and inspiring women I follow every day!

I’ve still been trying to keep up with everything, I’ve seen so many amazing things! The Curve Fashion Festival looked fab, the #thisisplus campaign has taken off and there’s the creation of the Curvee awards by three amazing women in the plus size community! Things like this are so important and continue to inspire me!

Hopefully I will be back with some posts soon!

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